News
I'M ONLY 22years old
Published: May 28, 2005 - 02:06 PM
I'M ONLY 22 YEARS OLD AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I MARRIED MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEET HEART SOON AFTER I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. MY FAMILY DIDNT HAVE MUCH MONEY SO I WORKED TO PAY FOR THE THINGS I WANTED IN MY WEDDING I INVITED SOME 300 GUESTS PAYED $400 FOR A BAR TAB BAUGHT ALL THE DRESSES AND PAYED THE TUX FEES. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A HAPPILY EVERAFTER STORY.
BEEING SO YOUNG I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE WORLD HAD TO THROW AT ME. WE WHERE MARRIED ON A WEEKEND SPENT THE NIGHT AT A HOTEL AND I WENT TO WORK THE FOLLOWING MONDAY (SOME FAIRYTALE WEDDING).AFTER A COUPLE OF MONTHS WENT BY I DISCOVERED I WAS PREGNANT. I WAS HAPPY SCARED NERVOUS AND ANY OTHER EMOTION THAT COULD COME TO MIND.THROUGH THE NINE MONTHS MY HOUSBAND AND I TOOK IN A COUPLE OF YOUNG MEN (THEY HAD NO WHERE TO GO NO FAMILY TO VISIT OR CARE ABOUT) SO WE TOOK THEM IN. I WAS CONSTANTLY PICKING UP THINGS CLEANING WASHING CLOTHES WORRING ABOUT THE PLACES THEY NEEDED TO BE.ONE DAY I NOTICED A HOUSE FOR RENTCLOSER TO MY FAMILY HOME, AND WE MOVED ONE OF THE YOUNG MEN STAYED BEHIND THE OTHER DIDNT HAVE A JOB SO HE CAME ALONG MY HOUSBAND FELT SORRY FOR HIM. AT THIS POINT MY HOUSBAND AND I ARE BOTH WORKING SECOND SHIFT AND COME HOME SEVERAL TIMES TO STRANGE WOMEN IN OUR HOME SOMETIMES MORE THAN ONE. I BEGAN TO QUESTION OUR SAFETY AND WOULD LOCK THE YOUNG MAN OUT WHILE WE WHERE AT WORK. ON THE WEEKEND THE YOUNG MAN WAS REQUIRED TO SERVE A JAIL SENTANCE 70 MILES AWAYAND I HAD THE ONLY CAR.SO WE TOOK HIM TO JAIL EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.ITS GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO MY NINTH MONTH OF PREGNANCY I AM FEELING MORE AND MORE UGLY MY HOUSBAND WONT TALK TO ME IVE FOUND OTHER WOMENS UNDERWEAR IN MY DRESSER I DONT KNOW FOR SURE WHATS GOING ON AT THIS POINT. I FEEL TOTALLY ALONE. I GO TO GET BABY FRUNITURE ON MY OWN. AND AFTER ASKING AND ASKING MY HOUSBAND TO PUT IT TOGETHER. FINALLY AT 39 WEEKS GESTATION I PUT IT TOGETHER MYSLEF. WITH AN EXTRA 36 POUNDS THAT IS NO EASY TASK. THE WHOLE TIME IM PREGNANT MY HOUSBAND SAYS HE WOULD BE MAD IF ITS A GIRL. AT THE 20 WEEK ULTRA SOUND IT IS CONFIRMED THAT OUR BABY IS A GIRL. AT THAT MOMENT I WAS SO SCARED OF WHAT HE WOULD DO HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GOING TO CRY. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. SO I STARTED THINKING OF THINGS I COULD DO WITH HER TO MAKE HIM LIKE HIS CHILD MORE. MAY 27 2003 THE DAY WAS HERE I WAS INDUCED INTO LABOR AT ABOUT 7am I ASKED FOR THE EPIDORAL WHEN THE CONTRACTIONS STARTED TO HURT. 3 HOURS BEFORE SHE WAS BORN THEY ASKED IF I NEEDED MORE DRUGS I THOUGHT I DIDNT SO WHEN IT STARTED TO HURT AGAIN I ASKED FOR MORE DRUGS AND WAS DENYED BECOUSE THE DOCTOR WAS IN SURGERY. FROM THER I FELT EVERYTHING ITS A KIND OF PAIN WHERE YOU WANNA HOLD YOUR BREATH. AT 7.30pm THE BABY BEGAN TO CROWN I WAS VOMITING FROM THE DRUGSAND BY 7 47pm SHE WAS HERE AND THE DOCTOR COULDNT STOP THE BLEEDING . THE DRUG USED TO INDUCE ME HAD RUN OUT. A SHOT OF SOMETHING WAS PUT IN MY LEG AND THE ANASTHEZIAOLOGIST PUMPED A FULL SURENGE IN TO MY EPIDURAL. THEY PLACED MY HEALTH BABY GIRL IN MY ARMS FOR A FEW SECOND EVERYONE CAME IN TO SEE ME AND THE REST IS A BLUR. THE NEXT DAY THE DOCTOR CAME TO SEE ME I HAD A MASSIVE MIGRANE IT WOKE ME UP IN THE NIGHT I COULDNT SLEEP. I STAYED ANOTHER NIGHTTO BE OBSURVED. THE DOCTOR CAME AGAIN AND SAID IF THE PAIN WAS STILL THER I COULDNT GO HOME. SO I LIED AND WENT HOME. I WASNT HOME 2 HOURS AND WE HAD TO GO TO A GRADUATION PARTY MY SISTER HAD GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. SITTING IN THIS LOUD RESTURANT MY NEW BOURN IS CRYING AND MY HOUSBAND PAYS NO ATENTION MY HEAD IS THROBING WITH PAIN I BEGIN TO CRY AS WELL. TO ME THIS IS A MAJOR SIGN SOMETHING IS WRONG. I GO HOME AND TRY TO SLEEP IT OFF. YEAH RIGHT LIKE THATS GOING TO WORK WITH A NEW BORN. LIKE CLOCK WORK EVERY 2 HOURS SHE CRIES AND I ANSWER MY HOUSBAND DOESNT HEAR A SOUND. THE NEXT DAY IS HERE AND I STILL HAVE A HEADACH. ITS TIME FOR THE BABYS 3 DAY CHECK UP SHE GETS SHOTS TODAY. AFTER HER SHOTS I GO TO THE EMERGANCY ROOM AND WITH A SIMPLE SHOT OF PAIN KILLER I AM FINE IN LESS THAN 30 SECONDS.
FOR THE NEXT 6 WEEKS I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE BECOME BANISHED IN TO A WORLD WHERE TIME DOESNT EXISTS. MY HOUSBAND IS ANGRY AT WORK AND DOESNT TALK TO ME AND DOESNT HELP ME WITH THE BABY UNLESS SHE IS BOTHERING HIM. I BEGIN TO TEACH HER WORDS . THE FIRST WORD I WANT HER TO SAY IS DA DA . SO EVERY DAY I MAKE IT A POINT TO SAY DA DA MORE THAN ONCE TO HER.AT THREE MONTHS SHE FINALLY SAID IT DA DA DA DA I WAS SO HAPPY AND MY HOUSBAND LIT UP HE WAS SO EXCITED TO PLAY WITH HER AND HOLD HER. HE WAS SO PROUD.
WHEN WE BOTH GOT JOBS ON FIRST SHIFT WE SENT HER TO DAYCARE. MY SAVIOURS THEY PLAYED WITH HER AND TOOK WONDERFUL CARE OF HER. BUT ANYTIME SHE GOT SICK WE STILL HAD TO PAY AND I HAD TO STAY HOME. I FELT SOUCH LOVE FOR HER . I WAS PROUD OF EVERY MILESTONE SHE PASSED(HOLDING HER HEAD UP EATING JARED BABY FOOD FROM A SPOON ROLLIN OVER).I WAS HAPPYWITH LIFE. IT WAS HARD BUT NOTHING COULD KEEP HER FROM MAKING ME SMILE AT THE END OF THE DAY.
MY CAR HAD BROKE DOWN BEFOR THE BABY WAS BORN AND I NEEDED A NEW CAR. IT SEEMED EVERY DAY MY HOUSBAND AND I FOUGHT OVER THIS. TO ME IT WAS A NEED . TO HIM IT WASNT A NACESITY BECOUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. FROM THIS POINT IN TIME TIL NOW IF ONE PERSON TELLS HIM NO HE GIVES UP. SOMEONE TOLD HIM THEY COULDNT SELL HIM A CAR BECOUSE WE HAVE NO CREDIT.WE FOUGHT ABOUT THIS UNTIL NOVEMBER WHEN I FOUND A CAR DEALER THAT WOULD SELL TO US.
TWO WEEK BEFORE THANKSGIVING WE BOUGHT A NEW USED CAR AND SPENT ALL MONEY WE HAD ON THE DOWN PAYMENT.
HERE IS WHERE WE REALLY BEGAN TO STRUGGLE. THERE IS A LIST
1 I WAS WORKING EVERY SATURDAY FOR FOUR WEEKS
2 FAMILY WAS PLANNING TO COME AT THANKSGIVING AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO COOK
3 IM STILL WAKING UP FOR 2am FEEDINGS
4 MY HOUSBAND COMES HOME AND ZONES OUT INTO ANOTHER WORLD
5 TWO FRIDAYS BEFOR THANKSGIVING MY FATHER IN LAW DECIDES TO MAKE HIS SELF AT HOME WITHOUT ASKING OR MY KNOWING HE POPS IN
6 THE THURSDAY BEFORE THANKS GIVING MY GRANDMOTHER IS STOPPING BY
7 EVERY TIME SOME FAMILY VISITS I HAVE TO CLEAN SO I DONT LOOK LIKE A SLOB
FINALLY IT HAPPENS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN
FRIDAY NIGHT IM GETTING THE BABY READY FOR BED AND REMIND MY OUSBAND THAT HE WILL BE HOME ALONE WITH HER ALL SATURDAY MORNING. HE SMERKS AND SAYS I KNOW.
I SAID SHE WILL BE UP VERY EARLY YOU NEED TO GO TO BED SOON.HE CARRIES THE BABY TO BED HE GETS BACK ON THE COMPUTER. I GO TO BED.
IN THE MORNING I CARRY OUT MY WEEK DAY ROUTINE. FIRST I WAKE THE BABY UP CHANGE HER AND MAKE A BOTTLE I GET DRESSED AND FALL ASLEEP UNTIL ITS TIME TO GO . I PUT THE BABY IN A INFANT CARSEAT AND LEAVE HER ON THE COUCH WHERE SHE WATCHES CARTOONS. I WENT BACK TO KISS MY HOUSBAND GOOD BYE (HE IS STILL ASLEEP IN BED) . HE OPENS HIS EYES I TELL HIM WHERE THE BABY IS AND WALK TO THE DOOR. STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY I CAN SEE HER I WONDER IF I SHOULD KISS HER GOOD BYE. I LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS A SLEEP I DONT WANT TO WAKE HER SO I LEAVE FOR WORK.
AT WORK ITS A NORMAL WORK DAY THE OTHER WOMEN ARE TEASING EACH OTHER. ON BREAK I CALL HOME ITS 9 30 AM NOW NO ONE ANSWERS. I VE HAD THIS HAPPEN BEFOR AND MY HOUSBAND WAS CLEANING WITH THE MUSIC UP LOUD SO I WASNT CONCERNED.
AT 11 30am THE PHONE IN MY DEPARTMENT RANG IT WAS FOR ME. I ANSWERED MY HOUSBAND WAS CRYING I COULD HEAR OTHER PEOPLE THERE . I TOLD HIM TO CALM DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED . HE SAID GET YOUR MOM TO DRIVE YOU HOME . I SAID WHATS WRONG!! HE SAID LILLY (MY SWEET LITTLE BABY GIRL) IS DEAD. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO FIRST ALL I KNEW IS I NEEDED TO GET HOME. I WENT TO FIND MY SUPERVISOR BY TIME I FOUND HIM I WAS HISTERICAL. HOPING IT WASNT TRUE WISHING I HADNT GONE TO WORK THIS DAY . MY SUPERVISOR DROVE ME HOME AN AMBULANCE SAT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE AND A COP WOULDNT LET ME IN THE HOUSE. A PERIMEDIC SAID SORRY MRS SHES GONE. MY HOUSBAND IS CRYING AND CRYING. I ASKHIM DID HE CHECK ON HER HE REPLIES WITH A YES. MY HOME IS NOW A CRIME SCENE. THE COPS TELL US TO CALL OTHER FAMILY TO COME AND BE WITH US. I CALL MY MOTHER . MY HOUSBAND CALLS HIS STEP- DAD. EVERY ONE IS IN THE AMBULANCE CRYING. POLICE DETECTIVES TAKE PICTURES AND TAKE STATEMENTSAND WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO HOLD MY LITTLE GIRL ONE LAST TIME.
AN AQUAINTANCE IS GENEROUS ENOUGH TO PROVIDE FUNERAL SERVICES FOR HER . THE DAY AFTER HER 6 MONTH BIRTHDAY WE PUT HER IN HER FINAL RESTING PLACE.
TWO MONTH LATER MY HOUSBAND AND I ARE CALLED TO TESTIFY IN FRONT OF THE GRAND JURY. 5 MINUTES BEFORE WE TESTIFY WE ARE TOLD WHAT WE ARE BEING CHARGED WITH (NEGLECTFUL HOMICIDE).WE BOTH TESTIFIED AND A NO TRUE BILL WAS PASSES.
THE BEST I CAN MAKE OUT AS TO WHAT HAPPENED IS....WHEN I CLOSED THE DOOR TO LEAVE FOR WORK MY LITTLE GIRL WAS STARTLED WHEN SHE JUMPED THE SEAT I HAD HER IN FLIPPED AND THE HANDLE FOR CARRING THE SEAT STOPPED THE SEAT FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR IT COUGHT ON THE COFFEE TABLE. SINCE I HAD BELTED HER IN THE BELT STRANGLED HER. IT WAS TRULY A FREAK ACCIDENT.
I LEARNED A COUSIN OF MINE HAD HER BABY ON THE SAME DAY MINE DIED MY SISTER HAD A BABY ON THE SAME DAY A YEAR LATER AND NOW IM TAKING CARE OF HER AND HER BABY. AFTER THE BABYS DADDY BEAT MY SISTER MY HOUSBAND WAS DIGINOSED WITH THYROID CANCERAND IS STILL BATTELING IT.
I HAVE OVERIAN CYSTS AND HAVE TO BE ON BIRTH CONTROL I M BEGINING TO THINK THAT I WAS NOT MEANT TO HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN
FOR THE NEXT 6 WEEKS I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE BECOME BANISHED IN TO A WORLD WHERE TIME DOESNT EXISTS. MY HOUSBAND IS ANGRY AT WORK AND DOESNT TALK TO ME AND DOESNT HELP ME WITH THE BABY UNLESS SHE IS BOTHERING HIM. I BEGIN TO TEACH HER WORDS . THE FIRST WORD I WANT HER TO SAY IS DA DA . SO EVERY DAY I MAKE IT A POINT TO SAY DA DA MORE THAN ONCE TO HER.AT THREE MONTHS SHE FINALLY SAID IT DA DA DA DA I WAS SO HAPPY AND MY HOUSBAND LIT UP HE WAS SO EXCITED TO PLAY WITH HER AND HOLD HER. HE WAS SO PROUD.
WHEN WE BOTH GOT JOBS ON FIRST SHIFT WE SENT HER TO DAYCARE. MY SAVIOURS THEY PLAYED WITH HER AND TOOK WONDERFUL CARE OF HER. BUT ANYTIME SHE GOT SICK WE STILL HAD TO PAY AND I HAD TO STAY HOME. I FELT SOUCH LOVE FOR HER . I WAS PROUD OF EVERY MILESTONE SHE PASSED(HOLDING HER HEAD UP EATING JARED BABY FOOD FROM A SPOON ROLLIN OVER).I WAS HAPPYWITH LIFE. IT WAS HARD BUT NOTHING COULD KEEP HER FROM MAKING ME SMILE AT THE END OF THE DAY.
MY CAR HAD BROKE DOWN BEFOR THE BABY WAS BORN AND I NEEDED A NEW CAR. IT SEEMED EVERY DAY MY HOUSBAND AND I FOUGHT OVER THIS. TO ME IT WAS A NEED . TO HIM IT WASNT A NACESITY BECOUSE WE DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. FROM THIS POINT IN TIME TIL NOW IF ONE PERSON TELLS HIM NO HE GIVES UP. SOMEONE TOLD HIM THEY COULDNT SELL HIM A CAR BECOUSE WE HAVE NO CREDIT.WE FOUGHT ABOUT THIS UNTIL NOVEMBER WHEN I FOUND A CAR DEALER THAT WOULD SELL TO US.
TWO WEEK BEFORE THANKSGIVING WE BOUGHT A NEW USED CAR AND SPENT ALL MONEY WE HAD ON THE DOWN PAYMENT.
HERE IS WHERE WE REALLY BEGAN TO STRUGGLE. THERE IS A LIST
1 I WAS WORKING EVERY SATURDAY FOR FOUR WEEKS
2 FAMILY WAS PLANNING TO COME AT THANKSGIVING AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO COOK
3 IM STILL WAKING UP FOR 2am FEEDINGS
4 MY HOUSBAND COMES HOME AND ZONES OUT INTO ANOTHER WORLD
5 TWO FRIDAYS BEFOR THANKSGIVING MY FATHER IN LAW DECIDES TO MAKE HIS SELF AT HOME WITHOUT ASKING OR MY KNOWING HE POPS IN
6 THE THURSDAY BEFORE THANKS GIVING MY GRANDMOTHER IS STOPPING BY
7 EVERY TIME SOME FAMILY VISITS I HAVE TO CLEAN SO I DONT LOOK LIKE A SLOB
FINALLY IT HAPPENS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN
FRIDAY NIGHT IM GETTING THE BABY READY FOR BED AND REMIND MY OUSBAND THAT HE WILL BE HOME ALONE WITH HER ALL SATURDAY MORNING. HE SMERKS AND SAYS I KNOW.
I SAID SHE WILL BE UP VERY EARLY YOU NEED TO GO TO BED SOON.HE CARRIES THE BABY TO BED HE GETS BACK ON THE COMPUTER. I GO TO BED.
IN THE MORNING I CARRY OUT MY WEEK DAY ROUTINE. FIRST I WAKE THE BABY UP CHANGE HER AND MAKE A BOTTLE I GET DRESSED AND FALL ASLEEP UNTIL ITS TIME TO GO . I PUT THE BABY IN A INFANT CARSEAT AND LEAVE HER ON THE COUCH WHERE SHE WATCHES CARTOONS. I WENT BACK TO KISS MY HOUSBAND GOOD BYE (HE IS STILL ASLEEP IN BED) . HE OPENS HIS EYES I TELL HIM WHERE THE BABY IS AND WALK TO THE DOOR. STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY I CAN SEE HER I WONDER IF I SHOULD KISS HER GOOD BYE. I LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS A SLEEP I DONT WANT TO WAKE HER SO I LEAVE FOR WORK.
AT WORK ITS A NORMAL WORK DAY THE OTHER WOMEN ARE TEASING EACH OTHER. ON BREAK I CALL HOME ITS 9 30 AM NOW NO ONE ANSWERS. I VE HAD THIS HAPPEN BEFOR AND MY HOUSBAND WAS CLEANING WITH THE MUSIC UP LOUD SO I WASNT CONCERNED.
AT 11 30am THE PHONE IN MY DEPARTMENT RANG IT WAS FOR ME. I ANSWERED MY HOUSBAND WAS CRYING I COULD HEAR OTHER PEOPLE THERE . I TOLD HIM TO CALM DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED . HE SAID GET YOUR MOM TO DRIVE YOU HOME . I SAID WHATS WRONG!! HE SAID LILLY (MY SWEET LITTLE BABY GIRL) IS DEAD. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO FIRST ALL I KNEW IS I NEEDED TO GET HOME. I WENT TO FIND MY SUPERVISOR BY TIME I FOUND HIM I WAS HISTERICAL. HOPING IT WASNT TRUE WISHING I HADNT GONE TO WORK THIS DAY . MY SUPERVISOR DROVE ME HOME AN AMBULANCE SAT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE AND A COP WOULDNT LET ME IN THE HOUSE. A PERIMEDIC SAID SORRY MRS SHES GONE. MY HOUSBAND IS CRYING AND CRYING. I ASKHIM DID HE CHECK ON HER HE REPLIES WITH A YES. MY HOME IS NOW A CRIME SCENE. THE COPS TELL US TO CALL OTHER FAMILY TO COME AND BE WITH US. I CALL MY MOTHER . MY HOUSBAND CALLS HIS STEP- DAD. EVERY ONE IS IN THE AMBULANCE CRYING. POLICE DETECTIVES TAKE PICTURES AND TAKE STATEMENTSAND WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO HOLD MY LITTLE GIRL ONE LAST TIME.
AN AQUAINTANCE IS GENEROUS ENOUGH TO PROVIDE FUNERAL SERVICES FOR HER . THE DAY AFTER HER 6 MONTH BIRTHDAY WE PUT HER IN HER FINAL RESTING PLACE.
TWO MONTH LATER MY HOUSBAND AND I ARE CALLED TO TESTIFY IN FRONT OF THE GRAND JURY. 5 MINUTES BEFORE WE TESTIFY WE ARE TOLD WHAT WE ARE BEING CHARGED WITH (NEGLECTFUL HOMICIDE).WE BOTH TESTIFIED AND A NO TRUE BILL WAS PASSES.
THE BEST I CAN MAKE OUT AS TO WHAT HAPPENED IS....WHEN I CLOSED THE DOOR TO LEAVE FOR WORK MY LITTLE GIRL WAS STARTLED WHEN SHE JUMPED THE SEAT I HAD HER IN FLIPPED AND THE HANDLE FOR CARRING THE SEAT STOPPED THE SEAT FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR IT COUGHT ON THE COFFEE TABLE. SINCE I HAD BELTED HER IN THE BELT STRANGLED HER. IT WAS TRULY A FREAK ACCIDENT.
I LEARNED A COUSIN OF MINE HAD HER BABY ON THE SAME DAY MINE DIED MY SISTER HAD A BABY ON THE SAME DAY A YEAR LATER AND NOW IM TAKING CARE OF HER AND HER BABY. AFTER THE BABYS DADDY BEAT MY SISTER MY HOUSBAND WAS DIGINOSED WITH THYROID CANCERAND IS STILL BATTELING IT.
I HAVE OVERIAN CYSTS AND HAVE TO BE ON BIRTH CONTROL I M BEGINING TO THINK THAT I WAS NOT MEANT TO HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN
