| Author |
Message |
traveling_gal
|
|
Post subject: boyfriend looks at other women
 Posted: May 09, 2009 - 06:03 PM
|
|
Joined: May 09, 2009
Posts: 1
Status: Offline
|
|
i feel as if this is a problem that has existed since the dawn of boyfriends... but my boyfriend looks at other women as well as porn sites and it really makes me feel low and get really jealous 
my boyfriend and i have been living together for a while and i found some pretty raunchy links to porn sites on his laptop (that he lets me use). im very sexually open and know that he watches porn.... but it really hurts my feelings because all of the women in the photos and videos he watches are blonde haired, massively fake boobed, and teeny tummies. i have long black hair, normal breasts, and a bit of meat to me. it makes me think that i will never be his ideal.
in addition to this, he sometimes will pay no attention to me if an ideal 'heidi' look alike walks by. for example, we were crossing the street, i grabbed for his hand, and he didnt notice me reaching for him because his jaw was dropped and he was staring at two beautiful blondes. it doesnt seem to register with him that this might hurt me.
lastly, i am openly bi-sexual. i have never been unfaithful to my partners. my boyfriend has a fantasy of me being with another woman.. and i think him to watch. it really upsets me because just because i enjoy it with both men and women, i consider it cheating if i were to be with another woman while committed to him.
i dont want to be with anyone but him, so why does he fantasize about other woman and want to have his fantasy of me with another woman?!
anyway, that is my headache! maybe im just over thinking things.... but any advice to help soothe the nerves would be appreciated.
best- a |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 10, 2009 - 04:51 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
| Dear why are you still with this man if he hurts and degrates you? He is who he is and there is no magical solution to completely change him into a gentleman. He doesn't meet your requirements for a healthy, happy, and loving relationship. He's not the one for you. Time to find someone that is. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 03:57 PM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
You are wasting your time because you spent all your thoughts on how to make him behave different. You get frustrated, you feel that you can't be compared with porn girls. He feels this!! He feels that you feel you are not good enough. This will never help you!!
Instead of that, you can spend your thoughts on how to become "a girl any guy would marry." In this case he will notice that there are a lot of men who want you!! He will forget his porn and all blondes right away - because he will be thinking only how to remove all these men and why you are so popular! You will awake a hunter in him! He will hunt on YOU!!! As well he will feel that you are the best!!
Do you understand what I mean? |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 05:19 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
sese wrote: You are wasting your time because you spent all your thoughts on how to make him behave different. You get frustrated, you feel that you can't be compared with porn girls. He feels this!! He feels that you feel you are not good enough. This will never help you!!
Instead of that, you can spend your thoughts on how to become "a girl any guy would marry." In this case he will notice that there are a lot of men who want you!! He will forget his porn and all blondes right away - because he will be thinking only how to remove all these men and why you are so popular! You will awake a hunter in him! He will hunt on YOU!!! As well he will feel that you are the best!!
Do you understand what I mean?
I disagree. Staying with someone that treats you like that is abusive and the only way to stop it is not to be with them anymore. You should never have to manipulate someone into desiring you. If they cannot love and treat you with respect, then they are not worth your time. You deserve way better.
*Going out of your way to make your partner jealous on purpose to get back at them or for attention will only create more hurt in the relationship. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 07:52 PM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
That is the reason why most women are not happy in their relationships.
I can assure you that the next boyfriend for SOME REASONS would behave the same way! Why? Because the problem (that boyfriend looks at others) lies not in a guy, but within a woman!
I am not blaming women!! I have been in the same situations. I offer the way to resolve problem inside of you and not to waste thoughts on critisizing hair, breast, and etc.
In most of cases you don't even need other men to show your partner that you are the best.
By the way, manipulation is only a method. Haven't you ever manipulated? Even a cat manipulates showing her grace to get a piece of fish. She does it well! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 07:59 PM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
| As well I said "to become "a girl any guy would marry"" what means to develop yourself in order to be with the best guy which will love and respect you! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 09:46 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
The problem lies within dating the same type of guy. Like a bad habit, always following the same pattern...so yes it can be that person is at fault because of making poor choices. And no I haven't manipulated since I was a inexperienced teen. I feel if you have to play such games you have not grown up yet.
In order to find true happiness is to choose wisely. To weed your way through the garbage. That is what dating is all about. Finding someone who has the same beliefs, morals, interests, etc. There are guys who are husband material and some who are not. She and other women have to kiss many toads to find their prince. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2009 - 10:45 PM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
Strange…Why do you think that manipulation is bad? It is just like money. You can’t say that money is bad or good. You can use them with different purposes: to pay for killing someone or to buy a wife flowers.
The same applies to manipulation: you can use them for positive or negative purposes. Manipulation by itself is just a method.
Definition: Manipulation is skillful or artful management. 
As well, do not you get dressed nice when you go out? It is very simple manipulation to impress yourself and others!
Usually women manage even from a prince to make a toad. How many of them complain that before marriage a guy was nice and good, but after a year of living together somehow he becomes mean and rude? Statistics says 70% couples get divorce. 
Wise women don’t look for princes. Wise women make their men to be princes and kings what make them valuable for their men. Therefore, these princes and kings will always love and respect their female partners!  |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 02:33 AM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
sese wrote: Strange…Why do you think that manipulation is bad? It is just like money. You can’t say that money is bad or good. You can use them with different purposes: to pay for killing someone or to buy a wife flowers.
The same applies to manipulation: you can use them for positive or negative purposes. Manipulation by itself is just a method.
Definition: Manipulation is skillful or artful management.
As well, do not you get dressed nice when you go out? It is very simple manipulation to impress yourself and others!
Usually women manage even from a prince to make a toad. How many of them complain that before marriage a guy was nice and good, but after a year of living together somehow he becomes mean and rude? Statistics says 70% couples get divorce.
Wise women don’t look for princes. Wise women make their men to be princes and kings what make them valuable for their men. Therefore, these princes and kings will always love and respect their female partners!
Wow yer livin in fairy land there. Definition of manipulation (socially) - exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage; "his manipulation of his friends was scandalous"
Wearing a sexy dress is not being manipulative. But pretending to be wealthy or lying about who you are to make yourself attractive, is.
Your definition of manipulation is taken from a financial business stand point. Being manipulating or being manipulative is very negative indeed.
There are many divorces because women don't need to depend on a man's wallet anymore so sticking it out for fear of poor finances is long over.
It's an evolution of relationships. Socially women have become more independent and not dependent of men. All this started with the invention of the birth control pill. Where women have control over whether or not to have children. So no need to worry about getting pregnant and having to depend on a man for support.
Reasons for divorce can be for many reasons but it all boils down to that women now have a choice to leave without fear. Hey people change as they go through life. Some rather sit on a couch and drink beer, some want to go out and do something. That's why most people grow apart....change. Then the unhappiness comes in because you are not on the same page anymore...simple as that, a change of expectations. Divorce is not always a negative thing either. Ending a relationship can make you feel alive again.
As for trying to make a man the way a woman wants them.....you are saying that men then are weak creatures that can be control with some simple manipulation like jealousy to get them to most anything for you....wow what a concept.
Now for Traveling-girl, her problem isn't because she can't keep a man from wondering because she doesn't manipulate her man right. The dude is so obsessed and focused on sex that he has no idea what having a relationship with a woman is. He bases his info on porno on what women are like. He has very big misconception of women. I have a hunch the reason he is with her is that since she is bi-sexual, he thinks he will get to have real girl on girl action in his own bedroom. So in reality he is the one doing the manipulating making her think her really cares for her in order to get what he wants....(sorry Traveling girl.....it's just a theory not an accusation) |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 03:15 AM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
I am living in fairy land!!!
Everything sounds very argumentative. But not for me, because I first look at the person's soul - what the soul wants.
Dear Ladies, have you ever thought of what a guy's soul can want??? Don't look for the answer in books, magazines or internet. Just try to think a little bit yourself!! Try to feel it!!!
I knew a man. He had tons of women, watched porn.... He called himself "a bad guy" and was proud of that. We never had sex.
I was very honest with him. He felt he could trust me and be himself. I remember one day we sitting and watching movie. And very, very quite he said: "Weird. We are just sitting here and not having sex. But I feel so good!" I was amused! I realized that men don't need SEX!!! They need understanding, caress, kindness!!!! That's all they need!!!
But TV and media tell that men want good sex!! And everybody believes in that!!
----
My husband doesn't watch porno (AS HE USED TO BEFORE KNOWING ME), cause I can give him more than just SEX! |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 04:43 AM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 06:07 AM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
There are 2 different types of porno watchers. There is the casual user and there is the addicted. Most dudes, especially young ones with lots of hormones, use porn as a replacement until they get into a relationship where then they turn their attention to the gf, the casual user. I'm sure your husband was a casual user. Then there are dudes that are so addicted, they watch it at work, as well at home and they just can't help themselves. It's no different than drug and alcohol addiction, and it ruins relationships.
You are right men do want more than just sex in a relationship. But I see a porno junkie in Travel-girls bf. I'm sure she is giving him lots of support and love but the guy is in need of help. Most guys look discreetly when they see a hottie. What she describes is uncontrolled obsessed behavior. She is just trying to understand why he is that way , even though she loves and supports him. He has a problem and it's not because she's not making herself desirable enough to get him off the porn. The guy has a problem..... |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
sese
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 03:55 PM
|
|
Joined: May 14, 2009
Posts: 10
Status: Offline
|
|
| weird because it doesn't fit into media standards? or weird that a person can have a soul and this soul can want something? |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 09:58 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
| Just makin reference to his comment. And yes men do need sex, ever since the dawn of mankind, long before the invention of TV and media men want sex. It's who they are. I get first hand info from men themselves. Men feel very comfortable around me and confide in me with their most private thoughts on sex, women and relationships. I find we as women look at sex and relationships much differently than men do. I really enjoy the convos I have with men......finding out what makes them tick. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject:
Posted: May 15, 2009 - 10:01 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
| Sex, support, love and loyalty......those are the things men want. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
