| Author |
Message |
loobyloo
|
|
Post subject: Seriously need your advise and opinions please
 Posted: Mar 15, 2009 - 08:00 PM
|
|
Joined: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 9
Status: Offline
|
|
Hi Ladies 
Ive not been on for a while,had no internet but back up and running now
I really need your opinions and advise, this is going to be a long post, I have to go back and explaine alot before I get to the point so I appologise in advance!!
Basically, 12 months ago I came out of a 6 year relationship, 4 years of that I was engaged. Last time I spoke on here it was because my ex had been disappearing for days on end,ignoring txts/calls etc,I had my suspisions and thought he may be cheating,I fell for his lies when he told me he wasnt.....BIG mistake.I discovered that he had been cheating on me for the best part of those 6 years  Anyway it wasnt a good brake up and things got pretty nasty, my ex stopped paying a secured loan that we had on the property so my home was repossed, I was getting abuse off both my ex and several of the girls he had been seeing behind my back (yes there was more than one), he was playing mind games and telling me that it was my fault he had cheated on me, that if I had payed him more attention he wouldnt have cheated, he told me that a girl he was seeing was pregnant and that he couldnt wait to be a father, this was less than 6 months after I had had a miscarrige, turns out she wasnt pregnant, he was just saying it to cause me pain. Anyway things got that bad that I couldnt go out without hearing some rumor,lie,rubbish that my ex had been saying about me.
I went to stay with friends up in Scotland for a couple of weeks just to get away from it all. While up there I decided that I was going to move up as soon as I had got things sorted at home, I wanted to be as far away from my ex and his female followers as possible. That was last April, since then the abuse and trouble off my ex has died down a little, he still yells the occassional thing at me if he sees me in town, and Ill still get glared at and swore at by these girls while out, but on the whole its much quieter than it was.
I have still been planning to move up, I was hoping to have been up scotland by January but things are taking longer than expected to get sorted. I had been single since I seperated from my ex, he had gven me major trust issues, and to be totally honest gave me a pretty bleak opinion on men, I was so anti male, the last thing on my mind was finding a new guy and getting into another relatonship.
Thats why I was so shocked in January this year to find out that a guy I worked with liked me, hes a really nice guy, we always chatted and had a laugh together, but I just though he was being friendly, I was so anti male at the time i was totally oblivious to everything, a friend of mine said he couldnt have made it anymore obvious!!
Well we went out a few times out of work and had a great time, as much as I had my barriers up, and I was almost deliberately trying to find faults, I had a great time and found myself loving this guys company. As things got more serious between us, I thought it would be right to tell him about my plans on moving up to Scotland as at the time I still wanted to go. He was really good about it, and said the we would have the conversation again when Im in a position to move up and see where we would take our relationship from there.
Well after I told him he seemed to become quite distant. He came round last night to chat, basically he finished with me  He said that he didnt want to be the person responsible for me giving up the oportunity to move up to scotland, he said that he really likes me but didnt want to be in the equasion while I have this choice to make, he said that he feels like he has alot of pressure on him to decide what our future is going to be right now, and that if I did stay he would feel really pressurised to make sure it works out as I will have given up an opportunty to move up there. I did tell him that there would be no pressure what so ever, and if things didnt work out, Scotland is always going to be there whether I move up in 2 months,6,12 whatever. I explained my reasons for wanting to move up, and said that if this worked out between us in no way would resent him for the fact that I didnt take the chance and go to scotland but he wouldnt accept this.
He said that he didnt want to be a deciding factor in my choice and that we should walk away from it now father than later when it would be more difficult,he said that in 5/6 months if I had decided not to go then maybe we could try again,but that he doesnt want to be around me daily influencing my decission, he was so upset you could see it in his face, and I respect and admire his honesty, he really was finding it hard. So we said our goodbyes and that was it.
Now heres where I need your advise and opinions, I have no idea what to do, I really really like this guy and would be more than willing to put my plans on hold to see how things work out with us. I really want to give it go, but if I go back to him now and tell him that Im not moving to Scotland hes going to think that Im not going because of him (which would be the case,but I dont want him to know that!!) and will feel pressurised to make it work.
Do you think maybe this guy has commitment issues and that I shuld just walk away from it now and take a chance on Scotland?
I just dont know what to think about the whole situation, opinions and advise will be greatly appriciated!!!
Sorry for the long post 
Thanks in advance for any replies xx |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
|
smackie9
|
|
|
Post subject: RE: Seriously need your advise and opinions please
Posted: Mar 16, 2009 - 02:35 PM
|
|
Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
|
|
| Well just being out of an abusive relationship anyone that entered your life would look pretty good. I think you are still a little emotionally bruised from the last dude. Like you said you still have trust issues etc... well I feel in order to have a healthy relationship you need to work through those first. Basically don't jump at the first thing that comes along. Making the move is a great way to get a fresh start and to renew yourself......lord knows, after what you went through you need it. |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
