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Liana
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Post subject: Going through a break-up....
 Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 10:29 AM
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Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2
Status: Offline
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I feel kind of lame coming onto a public forum about this,but i'm going insane and feel like it might actually work.
it's been just unfer 2 months since me and my boyfrined of almost 2 years broke up.
it wasnt the first time we ended things, because of our differences.
and it wasnt ehf irst time i've been through a break up, but i feel like its almost impossible to cope.
he's really storng in not initiating contact and knowing the best way to move on is to minimise, ifnot, erase all contact for a while.
but i cant stop thinking about how we could have made it better. even tho we both know it wouldnt have worked. does anyone have any amazing tips they can pass on tome in terms of dealing with the fact ots over and no point in dwelling on it? |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: Going through a break-up....
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 02:20 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| Just keep busy and think positive about yourself. Do something nice for yourself like buy some new clothes, trying out a new bar with a gf, spontaneously flirt with a hot guy. You just need to feel good about yourself again:) |
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whraven
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Post subject: RE: Going through a break-up....
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 03:21 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 45
Status: Offline
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| It's really hard to get over something like this, even if you know it's for the best. The heart hangs on. About the only thing I've ever found to help at all is to go out and have fun with friends, even if you don't really feel like it. Their support and understanding can help you over the worst, and it may distract you from thinking about it sometimes. You may also find yourself making new friends, and that seems to help, too. |
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bellavita
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 03:25 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: San Francisco, CA moving to Chicago, IL
Status: Offline
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BoBo
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 03:36 PM
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Joined: Mar 31, 2008
Posts: 6
Location: Houston
Status: Offline
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Liana,
It is sort of like a alcoholic that drinks. The more you drink the more you drink.
In your case the more you think the more you think. I had this issue after my divorce and a wise man told me to pray to have the my selfish obsesive thinking taking from me so I can be free of this. I was skeptical but i did it anyway, within days i was thinking less and less about my ex. Good luck |
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danni.shep
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Posted: Apr 23, 2008 - 09:06 AM
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Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 71
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| aw bless you it must be so hard 4you hun all i can say is keep very busy so your not thinking about him or what could of been. enjoy your single life go have fun with friends even get a new hairdo it might make you feel a hole lot better hope so take care + lots of good luck!!! |
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Snoopergirl
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Posted: Apr 24, 2008 - 08:34 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 43
Status: Offline
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I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I agree with everyone else, keep yourself busy with your friends and do nice things for yourself! You WILL be alright! Take care.  |
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jen0435
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Posted: Apr 25, 2008 - 02:32 AM
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Joined: Apr 11, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: Florida
Status: Offline
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| Oh wow...how i was just in the same situation about 6 months ago when me and the ex of 3 years broke up for good....i promise you it will get better..im so happy with my life right now! Time heals all and im sure thats not what u want to hear but it is the absolute truth...ive been there with those same feelings but they do pass....just think about yourself and all the positive...also i found a book (if your into reading) that really helped me out tremendously...its called "Its a break-up not a break down" by Lisa Steadman...its one of the best books out there for this situation...Hang in there! |
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ohjackylovetoys
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 - 05:15 AM
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Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: rowland heights
Status: Offline
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liana,
ask yourself three questions?
1) does he still love you?
2) do you still love him?
3) do you want to get back?
if you answer yes to ALL three , then you have to find some way to ease the pain, and knowing that you have tried your best to make the relationship work. everyone has difference. you are always going to have differences with any guy you will ever meet. you have to ask yourself if THIS relationship is worth you overlooking the differences for the sake of love.
if he is so adamant about contacting you, then i feel that it is his way of dealing with the pain. they say hate comes with love, and pain comes with feelings. if he doesn't have feelings for you, he wouldn't react with such extremes. be the bigger woman, and make the first move. this is not a time for pride.
if your act of love is not enough, then you know you can move on without doubt. use the pain to move on. confirmation of a lost love proves to be a better tool than self-doubt,right? |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 30, 2008 - 02:29 AM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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Well then what should I do?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, we just recently broke up in November, got back together in December, broke back up in December, and are currently not together, well we are but we aren't. We see each other EVERY single day, we go places (each other families) we do everything we did when we were together.
But he doesn't want to be in the relationship right now, because all we do is argue. Those three questions, I love him, he loves me, and we both want to be together, except we don't want the arguing. How do we get past the arguing, and the differences? Whats something I can tell him, to tell him what you have said about differences without him knowing I have displayed his business to the world? |
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ohjackylovetoys
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Post subject:
Posted: May 01, 2008 - 07:03 AM
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Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: rowland heights
Status: Offline
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| well, obviously, if you two are still 'hanging out', he still loves and cares about you. he is as much reluctant to let go of this relationship as you are. the only difference is--i think--is that he probably thinks he has more control of this situation than you. i dont know what you two argue about, but do you two still argue as much now that you two are just "hanging out'? |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: May 01, 2008 - 02:32 PM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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Lol, yes. When we hangout we do still bang tho.. So it isn't just hanging out.
But, when we argue its over just stupid petty stuff, like for example, (this one hasn't happened but its like this)
me "I like this"
him "Well I don't"
me "Well mines better"
him "No mine is"
me "No mine"
Stupid stuff like that. We act like damn 5 year olds. We don't ever argue over anything major, just a ton of little things. |
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Snoopergirl
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Posted: May 01, 2008 - 05:09 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 43
Status: Offline
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Hi, I've not been in this sort of situation so I'm not sure if my advice is any good, but I have a couple of ideas of what I might do if I was.
One thing is to consider couples counseling, maybe talking to a third person would help both of you to speak your minds and locate the real reason why this bickering is so constant between you.
The other thing is probably harder, but if you can try to put an end to each argument before it even takes off, like if he says "mine's better" then you could say "okay" or "I see what you mean".
It just seems like you both are arguing for the sake of arguing, if it's just that, you can put a stop to it before it even starts. If you really want to be together, then this sort of thing shouldn't get in the way of that. Be diplomatic.
Unless there's a serious issue that comes up, in which case it would be worth it to get through it by arguing (or discussing).
So I don't know if this helps at all, just wanted to try. |
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ohjackylovetoys
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Post subject:
Posted: May 02, 2008 - 04:05 AM
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Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: rowland heights
Status: Offline
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dear dazedandconfused
it's always the stupid things...the difference is girls know its stupid, but guys think its a big deal...well..i'm going to give a typical advice: stop 'hanging out' with him. of course, he is reluctant to be back together officially. he gets to have you , but not the entire committment...if that is too hard for you, then hold some things back..like sex....hang out with only other people around....don't always say yes when he ask...
better yet, go hang out more often with a guy friend that he never liked before....see what happens... |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: May 02, 2008 - 11:24 AM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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See the thing is, I don't really have any other friends. I did have this one guy friend, who he couldn't stand. They were actually best friends all through high school, then had a falling out over me. When we first broke up, I went over and hung out with this guy, and it really pissed him off. He wanted nothing to do with me. So I quit hanging out with this guy. Well now, this guy has moved away so he isn't really a problem anymore in our relationship.
The only friends I have, are his cousin and his cousins finance, his uncle and aunt and thats about it. We don't ever really go anywhere. We are more of the "gamer" type, we usually don't go out, we stay home, or go to his families, or my families and hang out. I'm going to try the "Yes, dear" solution and see how it works. Instead of arguing, I don't know how well it will go tho. |
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