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bellavita
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Post subject: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
 Posted: Mar 20, 2008 - 05:35 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: San Francisco, CA moving to Chicago, IL
Status: Offline
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I found out my ex bf (of one year) was cheating on me by snooping around his cell phone. He forgot to delete one of the outgoing message he sent to this other girl he was seeing. I even gave him a 2nd chance, but I found more and more lies and deceptives afterwards - so I decided to end it.
I just realized that this has created somesort of a trauma (and bad habit) in me. For sure, I trust men a lot less than I used to (I trusted my ex bf whole heartedly). And, I found myself wanting to go through the cell phone of a man who's being involved with me.
Is it ever OK to snoop around? I personally think it's bad - but I just can't let this go! I personally find no threat whatsoever if my bf's going through my cell phone, coz I have nothing to hide. If it's OK to do this, when and how is it appropriate to do so? Anyone else have similar problems? |
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Snoopergirl
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 20, 2008 - 11:28 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 43
Status: Offline
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I am having a similar problem with my husband. Check out my topic "husband's bad behavior". I do think it's healthier not to snoop around, but sometimes you have a valid concern and you need proof. I don't feel good about snooping but I found out a lot more than I expected. It can prevent you from wasting many years of your life blindly trusting someone that doesn't deserve your trust, or you.
Just don't make a habit of it with every guy you go out with, some are good and don't deserve it. I hope this helps. |
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flutterby
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 - 05:50 AM
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Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Posts: 37
Status: Offline
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| my ex would snoop around on me, for no reason. It just caused me to grow distant with him. It made me feel like I wasn't worth trusting. |
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Snoopergirl
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 21, 2008 - 12:33 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 43
Status: Offline
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This is the thing, doing it without just cause makes people grow apart and dis-trust one another. In general it's not a good idea to do that. Could it be that your ex had such experiences in the past, where he did have a cheating girlfriend, and now he has trust issues?
I never felt the need to snoop in earlier relationships, also at the start of this one I was still completely trusting of my boyfriend (now husband). There were many clues that led me to the point where I knew I had to find out what was really going on.
I think you just have to take each situation on its own and decide what is the best way to proceed.
Best case scenario would be to find someone you don't have to snoop on because he is completely honest and trustworthy. I believe there are still a few out there. :-p |
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 29, 2008 - 02:43 AM
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Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: Baton Rouge
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Last edited by Tigergurl on Jul 12, 2008 - 09:06 PM; edited 1 time in total
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summer
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 29, 2008 - 04:50 AM
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Joined: Mar 27, 2008
Posts: 24
Location: Indiana
Status: Offline
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| In my opinion its wrong to snoop . Its an invasion of privacy, even if you have nothing to hide. My hubby is the very possesive dominering type.. wants to control my every movement even down to what i ware. Thinks a marriage licence gives him the right to own someone. It got to the point he accused me of even messing with his brogher, and pissed his brother off so much he hasnt talked to him in years. He goes through my purse and anything else, yet he has stuff he keeps locked up in a safe only he can get into. He can go and come as he pleases, but he has to know where i am every minute. This is NOT right. And it eventually caused us to seperate for three years. Marriage counselors didnt work, cuz when they would take my side then in his eyes I was messing around with them. After three years of being apart I thought well maybe hes changed, but hes not. Its still the same. He was not raised that way becaue his dad has even tried to talk to him and tell him he has to stop trying to control or own me or hes going to lose it all. He wont listen to him either. Ok so you found out your ex bf was cheating by snooping into his cell phone. probably a good thing you did, as posted above it probably showed you his true colors and saved you alot of wasted time. But,. you probably would of found out some other way without the snooping. And as far as the husband texting his friends saying hes bored and stuff, alls I can say is.. at least he was their with you weather he wanted to be or not. Just through the hell i've been through with this, is why I think its so wrong ... I mean.. is it right to open your spouces mail... just because they are your spouce? by the law.. its still illeagle... right? |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 29, 2008 - 02:47 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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| I haven't the slightest why, but I snoop sometimes. I just have got very ow self esteem and feel like he doesn't want me, which isn't the case, cause we've been together for almost 3 years. Its just me. I don't think he snoops with me, just when I'm watching he does, to mess around. I think.. :] |
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wtf
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Mar 31, 2008 - 01:19 AM
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Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Posts: 53
Location: Michigan
Status: Offline
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| @ summer are you still in that relationship? |
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TinyGirl
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Apr 01, 2008 - 06:16 PM
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Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Posts: 17
Location: Utah
Status: Offline
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well i don't know, maybe you can help me guys....I have an ex...he says he loves me so much blah blah blah...he told me about a sexual relationship he had with this other girl...it hurt me badly but i ask him for his password for his e-mail and myspace....he says:
"I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, YOURE THE ONE THAT MESSED UP IN THE FIRSTPLACE YOU DONT NEED TO SEE MY SHIT"
so...what do i do guys? |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Apr 01, 2008 - 09:44 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| Stay away from this person! |
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TinyGirl
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Post subject: RE: Is it ever be OK to snoop around?
Posted: Apr 02, 2008 - 07:10 PM
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Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Posts: 17
Location: Utah
Status: Offline
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bellavita
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 02, 2008 - 11:10 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: San Francisco, CA moving to Chicago, IL
Status: Offline
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| Having the first hand experience to snoop around to find out whether or not my bf was cheating - I have to agree with smackie. Do you think you can let go of this person and move on? I personally think emails are very personal - though when I have nothing to hide, I wouldn't mind share my password. BUT, bare in mind, that trust is everything in a relationship (well, at least for me it is). Once I lost my trust, that's it - I can't go back. I personally wouldn't want to be in another relationship where I would need to snoop around. Really. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 03, 2008 - 01:12 AM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| When a guy starts switchin blame on you, it's time to bail, before things get any worse. |
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TinyGirl
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 03, 2008 - 03:12 AM
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Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Posts: 17
Location: Utah
Status: Offline
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i guess...idk. i really love him though he's been like that for 4 months now, until last week that he told me he had sex with some other girl...i mean i did the same before to him like around 9 months ago and he never stopped bugging me about it...and in his situation, it hurt me badly...but i was forgiving because i told him; we all make mistakes and learn from them right? I learned my lesson 9 months ago....i felt nasty...in his situation he tells me he doesn't because he was "mad" at me. Idk what to do, what to think, I really love him, i feel that he loves me sometimes...i dont feel it all the time...but sometimes.....  |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Apr 03, 2008 - 03:39 AM
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Newbie
Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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| Ouch, he should feel some type of remorse. I say get rid of him, and I'm not one to say that very often. |
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