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starla
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Post subject: fiance caught looking at porn
 Posted: Jan 31, 2008 - 09:23 PM
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Joined: Jan 31, 2008
Posts: 12
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i posted this story in the intro forum, but it really applies here and i'd like some advice.
rob is truly the greatest, most respectful guy i've ever met. we were best friends for a year before we dated, and we've been together for three years. he is incredibly sweet to me and we really haven't had any problems except for the usual occasional fights couples have.
the other day, my cat spilled water all over my laptop and it died, so i used rob's. in the history, i found porn sites and panicked, and checked them all to see what he was looking at. it was pictures of naked women! i freaked out, because i wouldn't have even cared that much if it was videos he was looking at, but the thought of him masturbating to some other girl sickened me. i'm not against porn in general, but the fact that it was specifically just pics of naked women, that really pissed me off. he's never had a history of looking at porn, or shown interest even when i've asked if he wanted to watch one together. so i was really shocked, and hurt because i've had a history of eating disorders in the past, so i was instantly comparing myself. he's only had his computer for six days, and two of them he looked at porn!
needless to say i confronted him and he was really embarrassed and ashamed. he said he wouldn't do it again and i believe him. i'm just so upset over this because i never expected it from him.
has anyone ever dealt with this before? what do you guys think about your significant others watching porn, or looking at other naked girls? |
Last edited by starla on Feb 01, 2008 - 09:00 PM; edited 1 time in total
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 01, 2008 - 05:24 AM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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My boyfriend looks and masturbates to porn all the time. And I'm a hefty, very insecure girl. My views on it, its perfectly fine. Hell, I'd even find some for him if he wants. As long as he isn't with another woman, then whats the harm in looking at them, it doesn't bother me a bit. I don't ever watch videos with him, because I'm so insecure about my body, but we surely send pictures back and forth of other girls. (When we get the chance, or when we are not together.)
So yes, I am Pro-Porn, for my man. |
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starla
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 01, 2008 - 09:01 PM
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Joined: Jan 31, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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| it's the fact that he's jerking off to girls posing. for some reason i wouldn't have been mad if it was a video with another guy, a regular porno movie. but fantasizing to specific women? i'm not having that. |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 02, 2008 - 02:12 PM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
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I don't see the problem with it. There are 100 million different pictures of women posing naked, and people have their favorite, my boyfriend likes this one chick in Canada, and he watches/looks at her all the time. I don't mind that at all, because does he have a chance with her? yeah, a 1 in 10 million chance. So I totally do not mind one bit. and trust me, that chick is way hotter then me, I'm about 200 pounds. and it doesn't bother me. So don't be mad :/
Instead be happy he isn't out banging some other chick. in real life. |
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starla
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 02, 2008 - 05:19 PM
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Joined: Jan 31, 2008
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| deleted |
Last edited by starla on Feb 02, 2008 - 05:25 PM; edited 1 time in total
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starla
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Posted: Feb 02, 2008 - 05:21 PM
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Joined: Jan 31, 2008
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it's a matter of respect, really...if you're cool with that, that's good, but i would FREAK OUT on my boyfriend if he was regularly checking out some girl on MySpace or whatever porn site...that's not happening in my relationship and he knows that. we're going to get married and have kids and i do NOT even need stress like that when i'm in a pregnancy, so i'm really glad i nipped this in the bud right now.
i'm sure other girls out there feel the same way...i think if you're going to have porn involved in a relationship, there have to be boundaries and it shouldn't be done behind each other's backs if the other person has a problem with it!
and as for "just being happy he's not having sex with someone else"... i've NEVER been in a relationship where i justify issues by saying "oh well, at least he's not fucking some other chick!". i mean, any guy would be GONE in a heartbeat if i found out he was cheating. so i take that as a given, not as a special favor he's doing! |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 03, 2008 - 03:35 AM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
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| Same, he'd be gone if I was being cheated on. But still, I support porn. :] |
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charliehac
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Posted: Feb 04, 2008 - 12:39 AM
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Joined: Jan 02, 2008
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ive been through this before.
you have to just aim for honesty. tell him your worried but that you dont mind the princple of him looking at porn.
find out why he does it, what turns him on about it.
if you can get involved in any of the fantasies its about (watching porn together, voyeurism) - then he might like that.
if its an outlet for his other fantasies, then its ok from time to time.
let him know that.
he probably will respect it enough to control it, not let it get out of hand and just do it from time to time. |
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Emily
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Posted: Feb 06, 2008 - 08:43 PM
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Joined: Feb 06, 2008
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| It's a guy thing, even if he doesn't watch porn he can still be fantasizing... |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 06, 2008 - 09:58 PM
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Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 07, 2008 - 06:27 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
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| Porn to men is just visual stimulation,,,,,,he isn't thinking bout having a loving relationship with those girls or comparing you to them. All it is, is body parts, and looking at them. Men don't look at it with emotional attachment. So relax,,,,not all, but most guys like porn. Women like myself do too. It is not cheating,,,,,it's just entertainment. Why not offer to watch it together?? There are nice sized penises to be looked at too. |
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charliehac
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 07, 2008 - 11:41 PM
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Joined: Jan 02, 2008
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I forgot to mention that men are turning on more by sight, women more by touch. Thats a big generalisation but there is some truth to it.
Explains why men are intrigued by visual stimulation - like porn. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 08, 2008 - 02:25 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
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| Also women and men fantasize differently. Women lean more towards the romance end of things leading up to the sex, the more emotional aspect of it. With men they just fantasize about the actual act of sex..... |
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ConfusedandSad
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 - 07:04 PM
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Joined: Feb 12, 2008
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| Pfft, my bf looks at porn all the time. It doesn't bother me that he looks. Now i will admit that i get jealous over some of the women and the way they look. But I don't really mind him watching. Sometimes it upsets me, but only if i am feeling really bad about myself at the time. But i know he isn't planning to leave me for any of those girls. And believe me there are alot of them, like i said he watches it all the time. |
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charliehac
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Post subject:
Posted: Feb 15, 2008 - 04:20 AM
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Joined: Jan 02, 2008
Posts: 22
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it can possibly build up his sexual expecations however - he could become habituated to it.
you should find out how much he is watching - every week or month probably doesnt matter. daily would be a major problem. |
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