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starla
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Post subject: first post - found out fiance had looked at porn
 Posted: Jan 31, 2008 - 09:15 PM
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Joined: Jan 31, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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hi everyone...i'm 21 years old, engaged to a great man (rob, 23) who owns his own business, we have a great life together with our two cats, lhasa apso, cockatiels, parakeets, and hamsters!
right now i am basically a "housewife" because of my crippling anxiety issues that i'm having to deal with medically. i feel out of sorts because anxiety is not who i am...it's interfering with my personality somewhat in that i'm not nearly as outgoing or social as i normally would be. i'm also a writer and in a band and it's hurting my creativity. but that's neither here nor there, just giving some background about where i'm at now.
rob is truly the greatest, most respectful guy i've ever met. we were best friends for a year before we dated, and we've been together for three years. he is incredibly sweet to me and we really haven't had any problems except for the usual occasional fights couples have.
the other day, my cat spilled water all over my laptop and it died, so i used rob's. in the history, i found porn sites and panicked, and checked them all to see what he was looking at. it was pictures of naked women! i freaked out, because i wouldn't have even cared that much if it was videos he was looking at, but the thought of him masturbating to some other girl sickened me. i'm not against porn in general, but the fact that it was specifically just pics of naked women, that really pissed me off. he's never had a history of looking at porn, or shown interest even when i've asked if he wanted to watch one together. so i was really shocked, and hurt because i've had a history of eating disorders in the past, so i was instantly comparing myself. he's only had his computer for six days, and two of them he looked at porn!
needless to say i confronted him and he was really embarrassed and ashamed. he said he wouldn't do it again and i believe him. i'm just so upset over this because i never expected it from him.
has anyone ever dealt with this before? what do you guys think about your significant others watching porn, or looking at other naked girls? |
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summer
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Post subject: RE: first post - found out fiance had looked at porn
Posted: Mar 28, 2008 - 12:42 AM
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Joined: Mar 27, 2008
Posts: 24
Location: Indiana
Status: Offline
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| Honestly Im sorry it upset you so much. But what is the difference of men looking at naked women on the net or in a playboy mag? The same with woman looking at naked men on the net or in playgirl or some other mag? I really dont see any difference in it at all. And I personally would much rather have my man masturbating to a naked pic in a mag or on the net than to be out screwing one !!! Im not trying to be crule. I feel for your hurt, but just asking if maybe it was alot of over reacting ? But you do have a point, if hes going to look , then he should be open about it. |
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babyface
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Post subject: RE: first post - found out fiance had looked at porn
Posted: Apr 04, 2008 - 09:58 AM
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Joined: Jul 29, 2007
Posts: 56
Status: Offline
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| yes it's normal for a guy to look at porn , it would be better if he can do it with you ,it could even help in a relationship, wish you the best in your battle aginest anxiety,tip buy a soft porn dvd and look at it together |
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Murdoc
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Post subject: RE: first post - found out fiance had looked at porn
Posted: May 02, 2008 - 06:23 PM
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Joined: Apr 29, 2008
Posts: 8
Location: Chicago
Status: Offline
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My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 4 years and I was always getting upset when I even thought he looked at another girl.
My dad always made me feel super ashamed of myself.
One new years eve I found his playboy stash and I got mad and we ended up fighting on new years eve...not a good way to start the new year...But I just told him that "it hurts me to know that you look at other women who are so much prettier than me and it makes me feel disgusted with myself even more than I already am." He told me he would throw them away.
He did, but then I found porn on his computer as well. I tried to just ignore it but then I started to worry that maybe he would want to be with someone who looked like a porn star rather than be with me, his ugly girlfriend.
I know now that it's a guy thing to want to look at other women, but as long as it's pictures and movies it really doesn't do any harm.
I still have slight issues with it, but it's my own mind state and something I need to get through.
If you guys are happy together, then everything is alright. |
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Roxxy
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Post subject: RE: first post - found out fiance had looked at porn
Posted: May 04, 2008 - 03:08 AM
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Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Posts: 7
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| Hey first of all i want to tell you that you are not alone with your anxiety issues i also suffer and have had great results from medication. So good luck with that. Second, I am also not comfortable with this whole thing but it is pretty common and as murdoc said NOT harmful. good luck |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: May 04, 2008 - 12:33 PM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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| my boyfriend loves porn, and it doesn't bother me one bit. To me, its better than having him out screwing someone. Which I know wouldn't happen, but still, its great. I've even bought him porn dvds. |
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Snoopergirl
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Posted: May 05, 2008 - 11:37 PM
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Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Posts: 43
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I know how you feel, but my only issue with it is if it's being kept from me. I think it's perfectly alright to look at pictures or watch porn, but I think it should be shared or at least kept out in the open. There's no reason for two peoople who love each other to keep things like that a secret unless they are truly ashamed of what they are doing or if they find it more appealing to keep it from their partner.
I found out my husband does this, and I am really upset about it. It feels like he doesn't trust me enough to accept his "hobby". |
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dazedandconfused
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Post subject:
Posted: May 06, 2008 - 04:53 AM
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Joined: Dec 05, 2007
Posts: 99
Location: North Carolina
Status: Offline
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You've got to think about it from his point of view tho. Its him keeping it a secret and doing something devious and dirty. Its a guy thing, get over it.
Its like when I use to masterbate and my dad would come home, and knock on my door, it would freak me out but at the same time, it was the adrenaline rush of getting caught. Men need their secrets, like we need ours. |
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