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punky813
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Post subject: 4784
 Posted: Aug 05, 2007 - 05:36 AM
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Joined: Aug 04, 2007
Posts: 16
Status: Offline
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OK- So my best friend, literally sister, of 8 years came to visit me for new years. While visiting me she "hooked up" with a guy that was friends with a guy I was semi-dating at the time. The guys she hooked up, Joe, and I DID NOT get along. In fact, all of my friends that met him, hated him as well. She was the only person that could stand him. She was in town for 4 days and hung out and hooked up with him twice. I did not hear his name for months, then she told me that they had been talking on the phone long distance. Knowing we did not get along at all she didn't mention much. Later he played a very cruel trick on me, saying the guy I was dating DIED. This guy is NOT normal, or completely sane...NO ONE sees what she saw in him. My BEST FRIEND, SISTER, stopped answering when I called. A couple months went by and the guy I wad dating called and ask what I thought of JOE and MY BFF MOVING to san fransico TOGETHER.... Since then (a lil over a year) we have talked 3x, and she explained to me that he told her I tried to hook up with him, talked trash behind her back, etc...anything he could say to get her from being my friend.
Long story short, I hear from our mutal friends the relationship was awful, he was VERY verbally abusive to him, they were doing drugs, he has a previous record of being in a mental hospital (Seriously)...and she wouldn't answer my calls in a year, when all I was trying to do is help.
After all this time and effort I kinda gave up...she recently texted me and said she WILL call me, and she knows she has messed up...
Should I let her back in?! When she let an EIGHT year friendship end over a guy that EVERYONE warned her about????
(Sorry this was so long but I really could use some advice)[addsig] |
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smackie9
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Post subject: 4790
Posted: Aug 05, 2007 - 06:13 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
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Hey put yourself in her shoes....if you were insanely crazy about some guy, would you dump him because your friend didn't approve of him? I doubt it. Forgive her, leave all that BS behind you and be friends again. Hey we ALL make mistakes, and I'm sure she learned her lesson. That's what life is all about.....learning from our mistakes. I think your friendship with her will be stronger than ever from this day forward.......Just give her a chance.
edited by: smackie9, Aug 05, 2007 - 01:15 AM[addsig] |
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punky813
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Post subject: 4791
Posted: Aug 05, 2007 - 07:22 PM
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Joined: Aug 04, 2007
Posts: 16
Status: Offline
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| My prb is not that she didnt break up with him...everyone hated him and told her that but she chose to stop talking to me because he was jealous of our relationship...I tried to call her a million times with no answer and all I have gotten from her in a year is 2 emails promising that she ll call me, and she never does. I doubt that she will ever call, but if she does I am not sure whether or not I will answer. I am very hurt that not only has she pushed me out of what is happening to her, when I would have done nothing but HELP her through it, she doesn't care enough about my life to call me. What if I was sick? hurt? etc.[addsig] |
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smackie9
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Post subject: 4792
Posted: Aug 06, 2007 - 01:47 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| Ok then she just wanted someone to listen and not lecture. Sometimes when we try to give advice it ends up sounding like a lecture to them. She is avoiding you because of that. She is just being stubborn. Give it time. She will come around.....[addsig] |
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kweenofharts
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Post subject: RE: 4792
Posted: Jan 28, 2008 - 09:26 PM
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Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: South Bay- California
Status: Offline
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| Sometimes when u have a good friend and u neglected them or didn't call them for a while it's harder for u to call them again. because u fear all the blame and judgement they're gonna throw at u for fading away so they just keep postponing it. chances are she's just not ready, give her some time and then try and call her after a while. maybe text her and invite her to ur place for dinner and a girls night so u guys can talk. |
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MightyAphrodity
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Post subject: RE: 4792
Posted: Apr 15, 2008 - 10:52 PM
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Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 4
Location: NoHo
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| Man you gys are giving this chick some crappy advice! seriously...let bygones be bygones but remember she threw your friendship away. yeah we all make mistakes but if she did it once there's a very good chance she could do it again. If she calls you then great chit chat catch up but you can't just throw our relationship down the toilet and then expect to come back into my life whenever the hell you feel like and think everything is going to be honkey dorrey. if she wants back in make her prove it and work for it and let her know upfront that you were hurt and that you don't know if you guys can go back to bffs ever again but you're willing to give her the time if she is willing to put forth the effort. if you guys get back to that place then cool but it'll be hard to bounce back, believe me. |
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smackie9
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Post subject: Re: RE: 4792
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 - 02:48 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
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MightyAphrodity wrote: Man you gys are giving this chick some crappy advice! seriously...let bygones be bygones but remember she threw your friendship away. yeah we all make mistakes but if she did it once there's a very good chance she could do it again. If she calls you then great chit chat catch up but you can't just throw our relationship down the toilet and then expect to come back into my life whenever the hell you feel like and think everything is going to be honkey dorrey. if she wants back in make her prove it and work for it and let her know upfront that you were hurt and that you don't know if you guys can go back to bffs ever again but you're willing to give her the time if she is willing to put forth the effort. if you guys get back to that place then cool but it'll be hard to bounce back, believe me.
Whoa seriously you must have been burned like this before. Bitter are we?
If forgiveness comes at such a cost, then trying to regain the friendship wouldn't be worth it.
I love and forgive my friends unconditionally. BUT if the abuse of the friendship should continue, then like any relationship that becomes unsalvagable, it ends and I move on.
When love hits us we can do crazy things because it blinds us. We lose control. And like this case the her friend definitely lost her perspective. Young in love and damn stupid. I've been on both sides of that fence. So I can see how hurtful it can be when my best friend chooses a bf over me.....but I also have been crazy in love and lost sight myself. We have been friends since we were 2 years old.....I'm now 44 and we are still best friends. And I tell ya we sure had our ups and downs, but I never had to work to regain her love and trust and neither did she. |
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kyla1980
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Post subject: RE: Re: RE: 4792
Posted: Apr 24, 2008 - 02:30 PM
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Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 20
Status: Offline
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| If this is her first "offense" give her another chance but ease back into it talk on the phone and AIM no full throttle hanging out traveling, and clubbing friendship in the beginning. If things seem fine go with your instincts. Also make sure you let her know how she made you feel. |
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