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bettysmorgas
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Post subject:
 Posted: Jan 19, 2010 - 05:41 PM
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Joined: Jan 07, 2010
Posts: 2
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| Pray to Jesus for answers. If you are so bent out of shape about your situation, there are hundreds of dating sites on the web. Any advice you get should come face to face: seek professional counseling. Maybe your father beat or ignored you. Maybe you didn't have a father, I don't know. Truth is, I don't care. All it takes is a little initiative, and with that you will gain experience. Be willing to learn from your own mistakes. Then you will find arm candy. |
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smackie9
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Posted: Jan 19, 2010 - 06:23 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1063
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bettysmorgas wrote: Pray to Jesus for answers. If you are so bent out of shape about your situation, there are hundreds of dating sites on the web. Any advice you get should come face to face: seek professional counseling. Maybe your father beat or ignored you. Maybe you didn't have a father, I don't know. Truth is, I don't care. All it takes is a little initiative, and with that you will gain experience. Be willing to learn from your own mistakes. Then you will find arm candy.
There's no point to giving advice to someone who refuses to make sense of it or is looking for an easy effortless solution, because there is none. We can all agree that these type of things takes effort, making mistakes and learning from them. Just have to get rid of the fear, and accept the fact not everyone will respond favorably to our approach. Just have to keep working at it and stop getting all tied in knots over it. |
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VeTo
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Posted: Feb 15, 2010 - 10:10 AM
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Joined: Oct 09, 2007
Posts: 33
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Hi,
I've actually taken time to read through all the comments posted here.
To Ebrown
Do you have female friends? How do you relate to them? "The playful quality" discussed earlier (which I find o so attractive) is so innocent and also done between friends. It may help to befriend women who u may not be interested in romantically, but u will learn much from them. Women are usually open to having guy friends. In fact, awkward ones are somehow interesting (but if they are negatively awkward that turns into creepy.) Also, we tend to talk more intimately about problems, solutions, things that a guy friend may not indulge as deeply.
I certainly think that you should stay positive. NEGATIVITY is the biggest TURNOFF in any relationship (except maybe that of psychiatrist and patient). Also, reading about all these things on forums is not nearly as useful as having female friends. To be more specific, u could join a book club, join poetry club, or involve yourself in various activities where you could discuss anything at length. It will help a lot.
Last note, I know you may be tempted to dismiss smackie's post, but as an objective reader you need to know that I see what she sees. You mentioned that your anxieties have improved but you could still use some more work. I would recommend seeing a good psychologist to really get to the root of your problem.
I sincerely wish you the best and would really like you to post updates.
-VeTo |
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ebrown
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Posted: May 06, 2010 - 08:12 AM
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Joined: Dec 06, 2009
Posts: 14
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| I've moved three states away so my social circle is limited right now. I'll make a point of adding women to my list of friends for that purpose. Your right about the negativity. I've become very good at staying positive and not letting the loneliness and pain to get to me. I'm dealing with a lot of anger towards women because of the lack of effort required by women to get the same results I'm seeking. The anger is hard to over come. I do my best by reminding my self there are things about males that are just as selfish as a women not meeting men half way such as how some men over focus on looks and nothing else. It's not exactly the same but it helps to rationalize away the fact that I feel like I have to be a dancing monkey and entertain women in order for them to stick around along enough to get to know enough of me to feel some thing when they won't reciprocate the entertainment. |
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smackie9
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Posted: May 06, 2010 - 02:37 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1063
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They don't reciprocate because you are not using the right formula. You don't "entertain" women. You are giving them too much attention. If you make yourself available to these women you are already turning them off. I told you this before, you acknowledge them at first then turn your attention away from them. Acting distracted or disinterested ( act cool ) should push them to try for your attention.
Next, your resentment towards women gives off such a bad vapor that it hangs about you, it's no wonder.......women can sense that, which beats down any chances for you to get anywhere with them before you even get yourself out of the gate. |
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ebrown
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Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2010 - 05:54 AM
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Joined: Dec 06, 2009
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Point taken Smackie. Push and pull works when I utilize it. Your bringing it back up is a useful reminder. With that being said, you inferred a lot out of that, much of which you are incorrect about.
If a women is going to feel any interest in a man, he's going to have to intrigue her or make her laugh. In order for a women to intrigue a man or make him laugh, the man must take all the social and emotional risk by breaking the ice and "Entertaining" because chit chad doesn't work right? Men must do all the work to see if there's a possibility of her reciprocating it. Women only need to be out in public to be approached, rejecting the unacceptable and wait for the right one. Men, must take all the social and emotional risk to start the interaction, have some thing interesting to say at every opportunity, within the context of the surroundings and conversation. It might be hard to understand this point, but push and pull is worthless if your unable to think of some thing unique and interesting to say at every interaction. When attempting this feat I some times ask my self why I should be trying to intrigue her, or make her laugh when all she's showed me that's attracted me was her looks which is not a reflection of her worth to me if she doesn't have any thing else. Does that make sense?
I'm not looking to prove you wrong here. It was more of a rant when I first mentioned it in the heat of the moment, with my laptop battery about to die. I was hoping for at best a female's views on the obvious inequalities in North American Dating. You mentioned awhile ago that a man complemented you for being beautiful which worked. He made you feel attractive and then you accepted his advances. That's a perfect example of what I'm talking about.
Men don't sit around talking to their male friends about how meeting this new girl felt like fate because those serendipitous moments are created by men.
Also, your assumption that this anger is producing my lack of success would make some sense. If I was feeling the anger before approaching my body language would possibly reflect it if I wasn't able to control my emotions. Thank you, I'll take note of this. However, I don't think your aware of how many men share this resentment. This is the only time I've shared this kinda thing women. I have a male friend who I've talked about this with. He's 23 and he's slept with over 100 women because in his own words "I'm annoyed at women too because of it. The only way I can get back at them for making me do all this extra work is to fuck them. How else can I make it even?"
I had a interaction with a women two months ago in a coffee shop that was just like you'd see in a movie. Neither one of us trying overly hard to keep it going. Making each other laugh. Finding we have a lot of the same interests. When she left she even made sure I understood she hoped she'd see me again. I moved the next day making the timing very disappointing. This girl met me half way. It was gradual. Neither of us took all the risk. This is the only time such a interaction has happend to me. The true reason why I'm unsuccessful with women is because I have the dating mentality of a women. I romance just like a women. I attempt to relate and find mutual ground. Such tactics would work if I was a women. I don't want this anger, it isn't helping me. I apologize for the length. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2010 - 02:18 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1063
Status: Offline
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| Here's some advice from another website I'm on from an older experienced gentleman........whatever you are doing, now do the opposite. |
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ebrown
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Post subject:
Posted: May 14, 2010 - 05:43 PM
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Joined: Dec 06, 2009
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| Ok, I'll reply on monday. After Having done the opposite. |
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ebrown
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 03, 2010 - 11:14 PM
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Joined: Dec 06, 2009
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I know it was a while ago but, in regards to my past long post. What is the female perspective on their dating position? How do women expect men to perceive women's lack of effort or risk? I think it would be therapeutic to her a women's views on it if any one cares to comment.
To smackie, I've been doing the opposite of what the old me would have done which means saying any thing as opposed to nothing. Appearing interested temporarily only to pull away. This is a part of my life I have to get in control of. I'm going out every day for the next week to interact. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 04, 2010 - 02:04 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1063
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Women are very perceptive. No matter what a guy looks like, if he carries himself with confidence, a welcoming friendly smile, and grooms himself half decently, he will get noticed.
But if they have a negative attitude, and expect something in return for their efforts, they may as well stay home. |
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