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VeTo
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Post subject: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
 Posted: Sep 16, 2008 - 10:58 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Oct 09, 2007
Posts: 33
Status: Offline
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Hi,
I’m in the middle of a major moral dilemma. I’m in a serious relationship that is leading to marriage once we straighten out our finances. Our families know that we will get married and all my friends love him because he’s such a great, friendly, and fun-loving guy. Up until recently I felt totally content with my man, my life, etc. Recently I went on vacation with a few of my girlfriends and I partied at a friend’s house. There, I met a guy who I was dancing with. The way this guy held me…. I felt like I could melt in his arms. He touched me and danced with me and handled me in a way that no other man has ever done. This was not lewd dancing… it was just dancing. Afterwards I cuddled in his arms and we spoke about a couple of things. I don’t consider myself the most sexual person on earth, but for the first time in my life I felt so comfortable and so disarmed in this guys arms. The way he looked at me made me feel so desired. For the first time in my life felt a pulsing in my body…like I wanted to sleep with this guy and just be with him for as long as the feeling could last and for that moment I forgot all about my bf. The night ended… nothing happened… I told him I was soon to be married.
Since then, I realized that my bf never really holds me like that. I would try to cuddle in his arms and it wouldn’t be the same. I feel like all this time my eyes have been closed and now it’s open. I spoke to him about showing more affection and he asked me why after all these years I suddenly feel that his affection towards me is inadequate. He’s on to something. I don’t know what to do. I try to forget the feeling, but I can’t. I think about that night often. I have dreams about that night. I so yearn to feel that way again. What should I do? |
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Atlantean
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 17, 2008 - 03:51 AM
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Joined: Apr 11, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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| Are you engaged yet? If so, then I'd advise you to drop the idea of seeing this guy again. It's not worth it to ruin your relationship for a flick, which may or may not work out in the end. Weigh the pros and cons, but know that you'll be ruining his life, and potentially yours if you decide to pursue a relationship with this other man. |
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VeTo
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 17, 2008 - 10:39 AM
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Newbie
Joined: Oct 09, 2007
Posts: 33
Status: Offline
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We are not yet engaged but we often talk about marriage, raising a family, etc. I really want my bf to make me feel like the other man did. I wonder if I could teach him how to ...
I'm not sure that I could accept the fact that I may never feel that way again. |
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mickie
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 17, 2008 - 02:09 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 147
Status: Offline
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You are not ready for marriage.
You may never be able to make your boyfriend into something he is not. Loving, cuddling affection is not always a learned behavior. |
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babyface
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 18, 2008 - 02:38 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Jul 29, 2007
Posts: 56
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| are you raely ready for marriage , you are trying to compair bf to somrone you dont konw is this faor as the real will never come up to what you imagine , to me it is better to have a fling then to give the rest fo your life wondering what it might have being like , it might have being crap you will never know till you find out , sex is sex - marriage is a whole lot more as life has thaugh me .sex is not important to me but i am with the best man in the world and that makes the sex grate even thow he is not a sexy guy but i love him to bits |
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fiesta
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 27, 2008 - 03:15 AM
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Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Posts: 31
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I'll give you a good counterpoint here. I have always been really "gifted" with regards to my touch and women. From a hug, to what-ever...many, many women have found my touch to be more than they could walk away from. A few women have felt it was life-changing, or so they said. Recently, I gave a friend of mine a hug and she told another friend that it made her wet and made her "quiver" down there just to hug me. Hahahaha.
I have been blessed by God with this ability, but I have to admit, that I'm really not special in any particular way. I'm very human, and very flawed. If a woman were to go by her 'gut instinct' based on my touch, she'd probably make a big mistake.
There are a lot more levels to me than my touch...my hug...etc. I have to admit though that for some reason, women act like I'm a "touch magnet" or something.
Back to the point. Don't buy your other guys "magical touch". He's probably just like me ...blessed with ONE gift. Stay with your b/f who has what you really want. Even if the touch is a little less "electrifying", he may be your better long-term choice.
My wife and I have been together for 22 years, so her choice wasn't flawed, and that's not my point, but I just want to say that I understand that some people just know how to touch others. I happen to be one of them.
fiesta |
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sex_and_the_bag
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 28, 2008 - 09:06 AM
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Joined: Sep 28, 2008
Posts: 5
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Sep 28, 2008 - 05:58 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| You just realized you don't have that deep soul touching connection. You cannot make him be like that........it's all based on chemistry and not technique. Maybe it's time to think over what is real important to you. |
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young_writer
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 - 03:49 PM
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Joined: Mar 12, 2009
Posts: 9
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i think you, just ran into an alpha male, there are just guys out there that get women hot and bothered by the way they act and touch them I.E when dancing with them plus if it was a party he probably smelt REALLY good to you cos he probably had aftershave on and the likes and although you may not have noticed it at the time a guy with the right scent can drive a woman crazy.
Also although people do not like to admit it things that are wrong usually give you a bit more of a thrill, so if on an unconcious level you were aware of your boyfriend you may have got an extra thrill from flirting with someone else |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: MAJOR MORAL DILEMMA
Posted: Mar 13, 2009 - 04:53 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
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| That maybe be true but......the lack of passion in her relationship became a realization. Lucky her she finds out before she gets married rather than 20 years later.... |
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dixidawn
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Post subject: Major Moral Delima
Posted: Mar 23, 2009 - 12:18 AM
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Joined: Mar 22, 2009
Posts: 2
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Honey........ Time to really re-think your current relationship. Back it
off a few notches. Have some fun together, but date other men. There
is a lot to be said for comparison shopping, and it sounds like you need
to do a bunch of comparing. |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: Major Moral Delima
Posted: Mar 23, 2009 - 02:43 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| It's a do or die situation, both decisions will be hurtful..... |
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VeTo
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Post subject: updates
Posted: Apr 04, 2009 - 08:59 AM
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Newbie
Joined: Oct 09, 2007
Posts: 33
Status: Offline
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update:
so i've inadvertently been stringing this guy along somewhat while trying to put things in perspective with my bf. The guy has good qualities but also "asshole" qualities too and I hate that i'm so attracted to him. My bf is way better looking, better behaved, etc. I think I like that this guy seems to be more "in control" of situations. The thought of him sometimes just gets me aroused. I hate that I feel that way. I wish I could feel that way with my bf, but I don't.
My bf and I have taken some time apart to figure things out and i know it hurts him cause he doesn't understand and i really haven't explained it.
I'm taking time from everyone now while dealing with deeply embarrassing and shameful feelings I have for a semi-asshole.
How could i make these feelings go away? |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: updates
Posted: Apr 04, 2009 - 06:40 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| The reason you like the "asshole" is because he is so different from your bf. Well that just goes to show you that you are in need to renew things in your life......like you are looking for more out of your life than a steady reliable relationship. You need "thrill", something to get your heart pumping again. Dating the "asshole" seems to be exciting, and stirs feelings in you, you haven't felt in a long time, but can be a very unhealthy way to move on with your life. Assholes tend to date women like yourself, when the old bf gets boring. Yes the control...and they use that to their advantage. It's pretty much a form of abuse, that anyone lookin in from the outside can see. I'm glad you acknowledge that he is an asshole and know that it will get you nowhere. Now time to re-evaluate your life. Ask yourself, what do you really want out of life? What would really make you happy? What have you dreamed about doing? For example: a backpack trip around Europe with a gf, or get your pilots license, etc. Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. Start asking yourself these questions....write them down.....hopes and dreams. Remember this is about "YOUR" happiness. Stop worrying about the bf. If you decide to move on to pursue a different life, he will recover and move on himself. Like everyone says no matter what happens, life DOES go on. |
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eles
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Post subject: RE: updates
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 - 04:41 AM
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Joined: Apr 11, 2009
Posts: 5
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Quote: "So i've purposely been stringing this guy along somewhat while trying to put things in perspective with my bf."
Fixed. 
Sorry to be harsh but you have to own up to your actions and take some accountablilty. Emotionally unavailable women are attracted to emotionally unavailable men. That simple. Women who feel they don't deserve to be treated right are attracted to a$$hole guys.
You really are not ready for marriage at this stage. Take a break from guys period. Sort your own emotional issues out first. When you're at a healthy place in your life you're going to be attracted to/desire healthy things. |
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