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danni.shep
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Post subject: feeling unwanted!
 Posted: Aug 28, 2008 - 10:14 AM
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Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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| Hi,there just wanted to post this as something is on my mind... and dont really have any one else to talk to about this...so here goes. me and my partner have been living together for over 2years now he lives with me and things at the moment are bad well i would think so when we first met he was a loverly guy took me out we did loads together. But it wasnt untill i relised a good few months ago how much he has changed we dont go out im not aloud to go any where with my friends he is jelous of any guy that looks at me or silly things like that! If i say im going out like.... to pubs with my girlie mates he'l make my life hell so ive just got to the point now if any one asks me out i dont bother going coz it seems to much hassle and course's loads of arguments. but what is really bothering me the most is how little respect he has for me he'l come in from work everynight,his tea will be done...etc... he'l pick up the laptop and sit on that all night why'l im sat a few yards away no contact between us think maybe a few words are said. Than o it will be bed time for him so we'l go to bed together.......then sometimes the cheek of him wants me to see to his needs!!! lol but what about my needs as a women? i mean when he is ok with me he's a brill guy and i love him 2bits but theres this but. He always says im moaning or winging about sumat but really i keep the house running etc....and sometimes i am stressed and will go on but its like he doesn't want to know anything unless it involes him in some way. I would be most grateful for any replays thanks again... danni x sowi if its abit long or i was going on....lol |
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whraven
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Post subject: RE: feeling unwanted!
Posted: Aug 28, 2008 - 03:20 PM
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Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 44
Status: Offline
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I really hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like this guy is interested in you as a *person*, but just for what you can do for him. Also, the jealousy part really worries me. After all, you deserve to have some life and fun, too, and the kind of controlling behavior his jealousy exhibits often becomes worse as time goes by. I realize there may be some good things about him, at times, but is it really worth living like this for the rest of your life? That is the question I'd ask if you and I were friends discussing this over tea. Unless something serious happens, he's not going to change, and you're not going to be truly happy. If he were willing, I'd suggest counseling to see if you two can work things out, but honestly, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'd do that (if he is, go for it and I truly hope it helps).
I really hate to see anyone in a situation like this, and you deserve to be treated better and be cared about. If he refuses to work this out with you or get any kind of help doing so, you have a very serious and difficult choice ahead of you. Is there enough good stuff to put up with the way things are, or do you break off and go find the kind of happiness you deserve? You can always seek counseling for yourself to help you work out your choices, your feelings about them, and the best way to get what you want out of life.
Many people can be very charming when they are trying to get what they want, but once they have it, they seem to become a totally different person. Learning to see the signs of this and dealing with it before it's too late is a lesson often learned the hard way (as I did some years ago). One way or another, I truly hope things work out for you, for you deserve so much better than you are getting. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 28, 2008 - 08:01 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 795
Status: Offline
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| This dude has insecurity issues, which is part of his need to control you. Dear, this is the beginning of an abusive relationship. You cannot trust him to change over night even if he says so if you decide to break it off. I say get out now before it turns physical......been there myself and I see the signs. |
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danni.shep
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 28, 2008 - 10:51 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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| thanks for both your post's i have read them both and will think very carefully about this... and what im going to do as i go away on saturday for a week. When i get back i can only see from than if he is willing to change? i guess i am hoping while im away he might just realise how much he needs me and what he has to lose if we wasnt together! thanks again danni x |
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whraven
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 29, 2008 - 02:39 PM
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Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 44
Status: Offline
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| I wish you well. Maybe it will shock him into trying to change, but like smackie says, there are indications of a deeper problem that won't be so simple to deal with. Hopefully, he will become willing to work with you, but do keep your eyes open -- it may only be temporary, and if he is still trying to control you (including by subtle manipulation -- i.e. being charming again for a while), you may need to resort to counseling. Again, if he's unwilling, that tells you pretty much what you need to know. |
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danni.shep
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Post subject:
Posted: Sep 07, 2008 - 03:15 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Feb 19, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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| thanks well ive just come back off my hoilday was fab without him lol missed him and i can say he has missed me as he's been a nice guy at the moment he cudnt even live without me for a week. but i did it as well to prove a point to him that if he carnt change then he will be out so he now knows and hopefully things will change? if not then he will be out so i'll just have to keep my eye on stuff.....lol thanks again will keep ya updated cheers danni x |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Sep 07, 2008 - 06:57 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 795
Status: Offline
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| Yes keep tabs and never over look bc of your emotions. I've been in an abusive relationship so I know. They may behave themselves for a couple of weeks, make all kinds of promises to treat you better, but the badness tends to creep back. |
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