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floridachickat
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Post subject: I need to know I'm not alone...
 Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 02:41 AM
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Joined: Aug 22, 2008
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Okay... so I've been sexually active for 9 years. I've been married for about 9 months but in a relationship with him 3 years before that.
Here's the problem. I can't have an orgasm during sex. I can have one during masturbation every time. We've tried a million positions. I've tried to calm down and I've tried to hype up. I've never had an orgasm during sex with any guy (and there have been enough). He's brought more than one girl to orgasm before we got together. Sex is the best with him. I can tell I get really close, but the pressure falls on me and I overthink it. It has stopped being as fun b/c I get so so frustrated when we're done. I don't want to be a newlywed who gave up on sex before she's been married a year.
I guess what I need to know is that there are women out there that had this problem for an extended period of time and that they can now orgasm. I see a lot of "I kno... i still can't" or "Just relax... always works for me" I guess my biggest issue is the pressure I've put on myself and the fear that comes out that it will never change. I just need to know that someone has come through an issue similar to mine. It would take a huge load off. |
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mickie
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Post subject: RE: I need to know I
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 01:30 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 146
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At the age of 66, I can look back and recall very few times that I have climaxed from penis stimulation. I have fantastic climaxes from my partner fingering me. I enjoy my partner pulling out, fingering me, the re-entering in a new position, then pull out and finger some more, then back inside again.
You made the statement that you can not climax during sex. I consider it All sex, from foreplay to the last hug.
My husband and I experiment and he has found several ways to hit the right buttons. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 02:20 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 798
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| Don't put all the pressure on yourself to have an orgasm. Your man needs to know and learn how to satisfy you. Get together with him and get some books and dvd's on g-spot stimulation. |
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tallulah
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Post subject:
Posted: Aug 24, 2008 - 10:53 PM
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Joined: Jun 29, 2008
Posts: 19
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Honey, you're not alone!
I read somewhere recently that up to 70% of women don't orgasm from penetration alone.
I never orgasm from penetration alone... ever! Now masturbation and penetration together...  If the idea of that makes you a little nervous or something, ask your husband, blurt it out or something, or try and make it a joke, i bet he wont shake off the idea of that.
But yeah, i think its something alot of women go through and alot of women blame themselves for it .. i was one of them, but we shouldn't. Men are generally more open minded then women when it comes to sex, any idea you have to try, no matter how silly or embarrasing you find it, when you suggest it to your husband / blokey, i bet their eyes will light up at least  x |
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classylady
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Posted: Aug 26, 2008 - 07:28 PM
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Joined: Aug 26, 2008
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I can honestly relate with you because I have had this problem too. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years and only until last Christmas did we finally figure out how to overcome not having an orgasm during sex. What we decided to try was having a stimulant (vibrator) and after using a personal lubricant, gently placing this into my back area. I would turn it on to medium speed. I would then receive sex while on all-fours. When I felt like I was getting close, he would turn up the speed on the vibrator, then enter me in a faster pace. When I achieved orgasm, it was so magical that I literally cried.
I know that every woman is different, but maybe you would be able to try some variation of this. I hope you succeed because if you love someone enough to marry him, then this should not hold you back. I will cross my fingers for you.
[url]**SPAM**[/url] |
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fiesta
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Post subject:
Posted: Sep 02, 2008 - 12:35 AM
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Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Posts: 31
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floridachickat...Your problem is COMMON! I have been married for 22 years. Prior to my getting married, I was with several women. I learned a lot during those years and during that experience that has paid off up until today.
Like some of the posters above said, it's extremely difficult for a woman to get an "O" from penetration alone. In my experience, (maybe this is a bad on me), it requires some type of clitoral stimulation as well...either via a vibrating device, or by fingers, etc.
Maybe if you can give us some idea as to what your technique is...ie, whether or not you are including anything other than penetration in your repetoir, then we can give you some advice to help you get where you want to be.
In any event, don't feel bad and don't feel like you're alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The good news is that I believe you have a quick and easy solution to your problem.
Cheers. |
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kitten11
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Post subject:
Posted: Sep 10, 2008 - 09:03 PM
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Joined: Sep 10, 2008
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| I don't think it's anything to be worried about. I mean, obviously I understand how you feel. I just think you need to relax and calm down first. If you're having sex and you're worried about having an orgasm, it won't happen. Take the time before you have sex to become relaxed. Light candles, take a hot shower or bath with your partner and just let loose. I cannot orgasm by penetration, only by clitoral stimulation. I used to always worry that I wouldn't be able to orgasm, but really, relaxing works. And I'd suggest to you that you should figure out your own body first. Play with yourself when no one is around and figure out what feels good for you. After you've done that, you can show your partner, I mean, come on, what guy wouldn't love watching is lady make herself feel good? And then he can learn what makes you feel good along the way. It makes things simpler. But don't worry, you are not alone. Tons of woman are going through what you are. It's normal. |
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bushexplorers
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Post subject:
Posted: Nov 17, 2008 - 12:29 PM
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Joined: Nov 16, 2008
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Can he bring you to orgasm doing exactly the same thing you'd do during masturbation?
I think you've correctly diagnosed the problem - I used to suffer from it too - you're so focused on wanting to come, that this distracts you from coming.
You may also want to try 'The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfilment' by Jack Morin.
Also, the contraceptive pill can adversely affect libido.
Hope this helps. |
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