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kbishness
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Post subject: The qualms of a confused live-in
 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 - 09:10 PM
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Joined: Aug 19, 2008
Posts: 4
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This is my first real post on the forums, besides of course the introduction.
I'm 19 years old, and I have been with my current boyfriend for about 11 months now.
We went to school together, but really only talked as friends ( We were both dating other people in long-term relationships) during his senior year, then directly after that he moved to California. We started talking again last June, and got involved with each other in October sometime.
We did the back and forth thing, I visited him in December, and he came to see me in January. We decided we couldnt be without each other for such long lengths of time, so I moved to California and am living with him and his entire family. We rent our room from his parents who have a big house and three other children (Not to mention a Bull Mastiff).
At first things seemed to be going pretty rough, I missed home, and he is not the sensitive type. We bickered a lot.
But things started getting better, and we really enjoyed our time together for the next few months.
Now I've been living out here for about six months, and things are very rocky. We have had all sorts of issues stemming from his insensitivity, unthoughtfullness, and lack of reguard for me. And my jealousy, lack of self esteem, and problem re-building trust.
I've made quite a few big deals over little things, possibly in search of a re-action.. or affirmation of his affection towards me.
I just want to know, does he love me... really? And if so: Why wont he show it? Why does he push me away?
We used to have an amazing sex life, now he never wants to be sexual with me unless we're (Sorry if this is too much info) getting into some X-rated DVD's.
He has been stressed... he got into a car wreck, and had to take out a loan for a new car... isnt satisfied with his job.. isnt finding a new one in months....
I'm not sure if the lack of feelings towards me is due to all the stress and depression he's been going through lately... or if its because he simply doesnt feel the same about me.
I know we are young, and moving in together seems like a very stupid thing to do.. but we were so sure, and so eager to spend the rest of our lives together.
Nothing has changed for me. I still know I love him, and I know I want him. But have things really stayed the same for him too? How do I know?
(If anyone has any answers for me, or wants more info on the situations.. please contact me via email as well: kbishness@gmail.com)
Thanks for listening,
Kyla |
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mickie
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Aug 21, 2008 - 01:53 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 146
Status: Offline
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Love is patient, love is kind.
Growing together is a process.
Growing old together is a joy.
Learn together and share together. |
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kbishness
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Aug 21, 2008 - 06:52 PM
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Joined: Aug 19, 2008
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Thank you mickie  |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 02:31 PM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 798
Status: Offline
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| Communication....... This is what adults do to keep their relationship strong. We really can't say he still loves you or why he is acting the way he is. You, yourself have to sit down with him and discuss these issues. Don't sit around hoping for it to get better. Take action. |
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jd2255
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Aug 23, 2008 - 03:04 PM
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Joined: Aug 23, 2008
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My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years and he is the same way....very insiensitive, never tells me he loves me unless i say it frist. i always feel like he doesn't care. but I've come to realize, that its just how he was raised....his family never says I love you.....if someone doesnt grow up with love and sensitive behavior, they arent going to just magically know that those things are normal.
i could be way off here, but its something to think about. i know my boyfriend loves me. he just isnt one of those people who likes to show it and say it all the time. |
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fiesta
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Sep 02, 2008 - 01:29 AM
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Joined: Sep 01, 2008
Posts: 31
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This will be odd for you. My perspective is very different. I have been married for 22 years. I am crazy about my wife and have been so ever since the day we met. Today, 22 years later, we're very happily married. Hasn't always been that way (I'm getting to the point here...just bear with me). Sometimes it's rough. Sometimes I've wanted to quit and get a divorce and never hear from her again. Sometimes she's felt the same way about me. I'm far from perfect and so is she.
MY POINT!!!!!!!! My point is, that if you aren't nutso...head-over-heels crazy about eachother from the very start it's going to be TOUGH going to make it long-term. Not to be negative, but just to be honest. If you have a boyfriend who is selfish, insensitive, etc...that isn't going to make it for you. I'm sorry to say it, but I think you need to keep looking!
Cheers. |
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smackie9
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Sep 02, 2008 - 02:16 AM
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Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 798
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| I agree with fiesta.......why settle for less and leave yourself unhappy. You could find that someone who really knows how to show their love and appreciation towards you. |
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babyface
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Post subject: RE: The qualms of a confused live-in
Posted: Sep 18, 2008 - 04:52 PM
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Joined: Jul 29, 2007
Posts: 56
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| well if the car is more important to hm let him make love to it get out |
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