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Hippoplatypus
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Post subject: Man looking for advice... please
 Posted: Mar 13, 2008 - 03:55 AM
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Joined: Mar 13, 2008
Posts: 1
Location: Mid-South USA
Status: Offline
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Please excuse me for butting into this very informative forum and asking for your time.
I have a couple of issues I'm hoping for some advice, or book reference, or something...
First of all, when my wife and I argue, I'm all logic, and she's all emotion. Not a good mix for sure, but surely it is not uncommon. She does not know why she feels the way she does and she can not explain her view, and that its it. For her, the argument is over at that point. If we continue I try to illustrate my point through saying things different ways and creating analogies. However, she simply repeats her same statements verbatim. I try to paint an example from her perspective that matches mine to show her how I may feel. However, hypothetical thinking is out of the question. So, we never discuss anything at any depth. If we do have an argument over 10 mins, she is usually crying and we're worse for trying.
She says that I think I'm never wrong. Yet, as I've pointed out so many times during our arguments, I concede errors I've made in the process, but she very, very rarely concedes anything. Then accuses me of "bullying" the argument.
Secondly, we do not have discussions about religion, politics, philosophy, sex, love, whatever. We're good parents, and our big common love in our life is our son. However, he's 12. He won't be at home forever. I love my wife, but as time goes on we seem to become distant. I don't mean going to dinner and movies, but more on a spiritual, intellectual level.
*sigh*
Any suggestions? Thanks in advance. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Mar 13, 2008 - 02:23 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| A few sessions of couples counseling will help you both communicate better. |
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whraven
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Post subject:
Posted: Mar 13, 2008 - 04:15 PM
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Newbie
Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 45
Status: Offline
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| I agree with smackie9. I'm sensing underlying issues here, and whether I'm right or wrong, couples therapy will definitely help with communication and any underlying issues if they exist. I understand how hurtful these types of arguments can be, and I wish you both a better relationship as you work these things out. Good luck. |
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smackie9
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Post subject:
Posted: Mar 13, 2008 - 05:20 PM
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Moderator
Joined: Aug 14, 2004
Posts: 1072
Status: Offline
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| When giving your opinion can sound like you are lecturing or scolding. Step back and try a different approach when it comes to discussing things, like saying " how do you feel about this...." or " If we did this, do you think it will..." Including her on the convo or letting her know that you are open to her suggestions without jumping in and casting what you think or how it should be, will help relax the situation. Be a good listener and really think about what she has just said to you. Taking your time on this will make the outcome of your discussions on a positive note. Once you achieve this you will become closer, because you are sharing in the ideas and decisions you make together. |
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